Answering Machines

Hey, it’s Kate. I’m here right now. Please leave a comment after the blog.

Well it’s Inane Answering Machine Message Day. And what exactly does that mean? Good thing you asked. It means that you get rid of those ridiculous answering machine messages that you think are so great. Newsflash Hansel, they aren’t. I fall for that insanity almost every time. I get so agitated when I fall for that seemingly innocent “Hey!”. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.

Several of you reading this I KNOW have one. I’ve fallen for it and then cursed you when I realized what happened. But there was a time in my life when I had a ridiculous message. It was near the time when I first got a cellular device of my own. If any of you are Seinfeld fans, which I’m sure every single one of you is, you will know exactly what I’m talking about and how hilarious I am/was as a new cell phone user.

There is an episode of Seinfeld where George Costanza, my most favorite bald man of all time, records his answering machine message. It is no regular message. It’s a song. And it goes a little something like this.. hit it.

“Believe it or not, George isn’t at home. Please leave a message, at the beep. I must be out or I’d pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not I’m not home!”

So as a young child I recorded on my phone a message. “Believe it or not, Kate isn’t at home. Please leave a message, at the beep. I must be out of I’d pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not I’m not home!”

I’m not proud of the this. Ok, well I am a little. I love George Constanza. But I’m not proud of having an annoying message. I’m sorry to those of you that called me during the period in my life when this message was part of my media existence.

Last night in honor of Inane Answering Machine Message Day Eve, Chelsie changed her voicemail to something outrageous that made people start talking to the message, rookie cell phone user move. But she changed it back after we had a good laugh about how annoying those things are.

Another form of celebration today was answering the phone in a hilarious manner. Clearly the greatest of all greetings is “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” I answered the phone that way today. It was satisfying. And I have one last phone story.

Last semester, my friend Tri thought it would be hilarious if he had a personal assistant. I joked that I would absolutely do that if I got paid. So the next day he forwarded his calls to my number. It’s not hard to do apparently. And you don’t have to have the permission of the number you are forwarding to. I got some hilarious phone calls. Especially because I didn’t know that Tri had forwarded his stuff. After I figured out what had happened I answered my phone, “Hello, Mr. Noensie’s assistant. How can I help you?” It was fun for about one singular day.

So there’s that. If you have one of these messages get rid of it immediately. If you don’t have one, I applaud you.


Can’t come to the phone is code for doesn’t want to come to the phone. Deal with it.

PS: My friend Matt let me know earlier today that it was draw a dinosaur day! I drew this little guy. Enjoy!

He is standing on a cliff looking at a river with a volcano in the background.



Filed under Uncategorized

4 responses to “Answering Machines

  1. Abby

    oh uhh hey marzipan, its homestar. i was wondering if you could help me wiff this dilemma im having. i cant think of what to get my guuh-fwiend.. for vawentines. shes kind of annoying.. and over bearing. and uh… oh. doo doo DOO the numba you have weached is not your boyfwiend calling you.. wight now? dooo doo do do do dooo.. this is the dial tone DOO. ok bye!

  2. becky armstrong

    Did I just read the name “Marzipan?” I think that Jack had a Homestar t-shirt!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s