Curling is a strange situation. It’s not a sport. At least under the definition set forth by my father and myself. It is eliminated by the claim, “Cannot be played on an unnatural surface.” Ice qualifies as an unnatural surface. Sorry.
I was supposed to go to the Oklahoma City Curling club last Sunday and it ended up not working out. I am going to try to go again soon. But instead I had a the brilliant idea to curl via video games. This meant that I had to actually play video games. I don’t play video games. I get anxiety. There are too many buttons and my coordination is way off.
But alas, I went to Hastings to rent a video game. This is where my day gets interesting. I am in the video game section, a foreign land. There are two man-boys. Approximate age: 24. Approximate levels of awesome: lacking. Man-boy #1: slicked back hair. Man-boy #2: leather jacket. Now I’m not saying that slicked back hair and a leather jacket doesn’t work for some people. It does. It just wasn’t on these two.
I just googled ‘slicked back hair leather jacket’ and got this.
However, this is NOT who I ran into in Hastings.
I am minding my own business, listening to these two argue about Pokemon games for the Nintendo DS. Slicked back hair guy turns around to where I’m standing. I sensed casual conversation coming my way. I was right. The following scene happened. This is not an exaggeration.
Guy: Hey, do your kids play Wii? If so, you should your kids this game.
Guy: Oh, well then you should get it. It’s really cool.
Me: I don’t really like video games.
Guy: (clearly confused because I’m holding a game and in the game section)
Me: I mean I have friends that play them. I just don’t love them. Sorry?
Guy: Nah, it’s cool. You don’t like them that’s fine. I don’t like onions. To each his own.
Me: I don’t like onions.
Guy: Ha! We have so much in common! We should get married.
Me: (clearly confused because I’m holding a game and in the game section)
Guy: Well, see ya.
It was the greatest/strangest/worst Hastings experience.
A) I looked old enough to have kids.
B) I looked old enough to have kids that played Wii.
C) I looked like I would be willing to bond over a hatred of onions.
D) I looked old enough to have kids.
I was so confused and awkward leaving the store. I was a swirl of emotions.
So I got my game and went to Matt and Cullen’s house to use their Wii. We played Winter Sports 2008. And by played I mean we hated it. Curling was the worst designed video game of all time. It was awkward and confusing and it made you look like you were using a shake weight. And no one wants that.
Moral of the story, don’t ever purchase or rent Winter Sports 2008. It’s a lie. But I did have fun with Matt and Cullen. They let me play Wii Sports archery after the failed curling attempt. And that was really fun. Less awkward gesturing.
It’s also Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. I was fully prepared to eat (not eat, more like take a microscopic bite of) a dog biscuit. But Wednesday is always ultra busy. I leave my house at 8am and don’t return until after 6 pm. It’s a long day. And I just didn’t have room for dogs or their biscuits. But if someone brings me one I’ll be sure to lick it or at least taste it. But I don’t promise to pet your dog.
Tucking the kids in for bed.
PS: This is Matt. He made a comment about never having his picture taken. I solved that fairly quickly.