Once Upon a Time.

Today is Tell a Fairy Tale Day. And I am still in Waco. I was sitting here and decided that a fairy tale mad lib was the greatest way to celebrate. If you grew up in a cave and don’t know what a mad lib is, I’m sorry for you. It’s when you get a list of parts of speech and you fill it in with hilarious things and then it creates a story for you. I found a couple of fairy tale themed mad libs and let the people I’m with give me all the suggestions. Let me preface these mad libs with the fact that 5 college aged boys were giving the suggestions.

5 boys. They have limited filters. They didn’t try to make mad lib #1 scandalous, but it happened. I had great reservations about including this based on the fact that I think my grandmother reads this, but this is how the celebration happened. And I don’t want to lie to you. I’m not into lying. Here are a few things that happened tonight that influenced a few of the choices, we watched Space Jam and we had enchiladas for dinner.

I am sorry for the content of this mad lib. The goal was to get the puma to eat the meat. That didn’t happen and I’m sorry. Also, thrust was NOT, I repeat NOT, my choice of word. Please I beg of you, forgive me.

The Story of Little Red flaky Hood

Once upon a rainbow, there lived a spectacular girl called “Little Red flaky Hood”.  Little Red flaky Hood just loved to thrust in the forest.
One day, her step-daughter called to her and said, “Little Red flaky hood, would you please bring this basket of eggs to your vigorous grandmother in the woods?”
Little Red flaky Hood started off down the meadow, but on the way she met a big bad broom.  “Where are you going?” the broom asked her.  “Oh,” she replied, “I am going to bring these eggs to my grandmother, so that she will become less vigorous!”
The broom quickly ran down the meadow to grandma’s house, and when he got there he sang her in one gulp!  He quickly put on her bra  and got in the ants.
When Little Red flaky Hood walked in, she was pensive to see the broom in grandma’s ants.  “Why grandma!” she said.  “What big goblins you have!”  “The better to destroyed you with, my dear!” he yelled, and jumped out of the ants.
Luckily, at that very moment a handsome puma happened to be walking along the meadow and heard Little Red flaky Hood fighting with the broom. He frolicked the door down, then smacked the broom with his own meat.  The broom begged for mercy and ran away.  Then Little red flaky hood and the puma shared some eggs, and lived quickly ever after.

I’m sorry, I warned you. I warned you fair and square.

The second mad lib is much less scandalous. Mainly due to the fact that I told the boys not to pick scandalous things.

Once upon a Richard Nixon in the kingdom of Moron Mountain, there lived a harsh adventurer named Kate . The kingdom of Moron Mountain was a peaceful kingdom, where the bobcats roamed free and the enchiladas were plentiful. Ruling over the kingdom was yellow King Nicklaus, who became king when he pulled the magical purse from its place in the cowboy. Everyone was outrageous in Moron Mountain, until one day when the supple villain named Kim Jong Il snuck into Nicklaus’ castle and stole the sacred purse. King Nicklaus was instantly smashed from his throne, and he wandered the countryside for 9 days not knowing what to amplify. Finally, he met Kate , and explained the pragmatic situation. Kate told Nicklaus not to worry, and set off to recover the magical purse. Kate found Kim Jong Il at the castle, laughing brightly as his ferocious bald eagle guarded the magical purse. Kate thought for a moment, then exclaimed, ‘Oy Vey!!!! It’s a gigantic cow!’ And while Kim Jong Il and the gigantic bald eagle were looking away, Kate grabbed the purse and raced back to King Nicklaus. Nicklaus was so grateful that he gave Kate a solid gold earwax. And Kim Jong Il was given a 74-minute time-out. The end.

I hope you enjoyed those fairy tales. Please don’t read them to your children. Ever. I’m sorry for the scandalous nature of this post.

Sincerely,

Hey Damma and/or Granny.

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