Dogs, Guns, Booze and Women

Those are the four main ingredients to a really great country music song. I know that you all probably don’t appreciate, or care, about the inner workings of country music. That is more than fine, I do not judge, to each his own. However, I think you should at least be fully aware of the potential greatness you are missing out on.

Country music, more than any other genre, has main things that are discussed among the lyric. Dogs. Guns. Booze. Women. It a foursome of great magnitude and proportion. Four things that make some of the most hilarious song titles of all time. And today, on Quirky Country Music Title Day, I share with you the titles of country music songs I found that seemed most ridiculous.

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now

How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?

If Whiskey Were A Woman I’d Be Married For Sure

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You

I Was Looking Back To See If You Were Looking Back To See If I Was Looking Back To See If You Were Looking Back At Me

And my personal favorite, Redneck Mother.

Within those song titles I covered dogs, guns, booze and women. There were a million more to choose from. The point is the culture of country music is extremely in tune with affairs of the heart, or at least something really close to that. I’m not saying that these songs are the most profound works of prose I’ve ever laid ears on, but I am saying that some times, you just want say things simply. Some times you just need to say it without using a 54 point word (which I used this week in Words With Friends). Sometimes you just gotta say it like a country song.

Sidenote: I wish you could hear me read this blog. I have a really fantastic white trash voice. I mean it’s really fantastic. I can delve into super detailed background stories. With names and details and all sorts of insane characters. Reading about country music in this voice just makes things better. If you see me just ask, I usually don’t mind using this voice. However, one time, during OU/Texas weekend I used this voice for over an hour and things got crazy.

Now for Redneck Mother. It’s the weirdest country music song for sure. My dearest mother and father introduced this song to me at a young age and I haven’t looked back. Jerry Jeff Walker does it right with Redneck Mother. The only way to really let you experience the redneck goodness is to just let you listen to it. So, here you go, don’t look down upon my upbringing. I promise my mom also practiced my opposites with me and made sure I knew what to do in apocalyptic disasters. I realize that this song isn’t exactly under the title of quirky country music titles, but let’s be honest, I just use this blog to push my awesome hilarious propaganda on you. Well, that cat’s out of the bag… oops.

Listen to the whole thing. Just do it. You will laugh and in turn be a little more cultured, or something. I realize that you could seriously change your opinion of me, this blog, the state of Oklahoma and country music in general. But sharing this song with you is way worth you changing your opinion. And if you change your opinion then you really need to get more of a backbone. I hope you enjoyed Quirky Country Music Title Day. And I hope you bought a Jerry Jeff Walker greatest hits album.


Betty Lou Thelma Liz



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3 responses to “Dogs, Guns, Booze and Women

  1. Domestic Dilettante

    Your cousin, Mary Sue Joan Marie, used to dance to that there song every Saturday night at the VFW. That there is a GREAT song and I love your mother even more knowing she made sure your musical repertoire included a few country classics. Me? I made my kids listen to “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” I figured a lesson in “I’m praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you” is a dose of reality every teenager needs.

  2. PS: Please don’t judge me for going to the VFW. Or for proselytizing via Meat Loaf.

  3. Rumph

    Best damn day yet.

    P.S. “I’m not saying that these songs are the most profound works of prose…” – maybe because lyrics aren’t prose?

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