Well, it’s Juggling Day. I went into this day with high hopes. I thought to myself earlier, “Hey! It’s Juggling Day. You can absolutely juggle! You are going to dominate juggling! Let’s sign you up for clown school!” Reality hit me hard.
I am an awful juggler. I tried juggling various things in my room. I started with nail polishes. Big mistake, that glass clanking is terrifying. I had visions of Koala Berry, Strawberry Margarita and Glitzerland covering my floor. I quickly moved to socks. And then I quickly realized that this was a party trick I just wasn’t going to master. I’m good at some things. I can wiggle my ears, I can tell the story of how I fell through a ceiling once, I’m good at undoing knots, I know all my states and capitals. Juggling is, after tonight, never going to be added to that list of party tricks.
I applaud people who can juggle. My Uncle Steve can juggle. I’m fairly certain he can walk on his hands as well. He was in a clown troop long long ago. But I alas, cannot and will not juggle. I tried. I tried quite thoroughly.
Now for the hilarious stories of my day. I preface this with please don’t judge me. I feel like I say that a lot. Probably because I do some judge worthy things. Anyway, here’s the part that you might judge me on….. I bought a Shake Weight. I know, I know. They’re awkward. I know that I probably fell for the ad campaign. Which is strange, because that’s basically my major and I should know better. But yes. I bought a Shake Weight. Sue me… I want toned arms. I’m will to bear the brunt of your judgment and the jokes that will ensue.
I realized that going to Walmart to get the Shake Weight had high potential for awkward moments. Boy was I right! The only thing more awkward than carrying around a single Shake Weight at Walmart is carrying around only tampons. Every single woman reading this knows what I’m talking about. If you have to buy tampons you buy something else. Anything else.
But, in this instance, the Shake Weight was PLENTY awkward. I was minding my own business in the cosmetics section, Shake Weight in hand. There is a guy with a bunch of stuff in his hands. He is trying to put it all into a basket. He drops a few things. I being the good Samaritan that I am, picked up his stuff. Good thing I did because I got to make eye contact with him as I handed him his condoms and toothpaste. It was very very strange. It took all of my strength to not die laughing in his face. I managed to get around the corner. If you thought one Shake Weight was awkward, you had no idea the potential for more awkward that was available. So that’s that. I tried to juggle and I made the worst eye contact of my entire life.
Sorry for the awkward subject matter today.