It’s Mosquito Day. What I was thinking when I picked this is quite beyond me, I assure you. Since getting bitten by a mosquito is hands down the last thing I’m trying to do with my time, I’ll just tell you about things I find particularly pesky. I present to you a list.
1. That nasty ketchup liquid that you forget about every time you use ketchup at your house.
2. People who spell ketchup ‘catsup’. ‘Catsup’ makes about as much sense at the word ‘colonel’.
3. Personalized license plates, I see you NANA and BTRFLY and REZDOG.
4. Those annoying hanger loops in your shirts that you have to keep tucking back in.
5. Remembering to get your oil changed.
6. The “Oh, you graduated! What are you doing with your life?” question. Especially from a person that you don’t really know. If they don’t approve, you see it in their faces. Not sheer disgust, but that small little downturn on the right side of their mouth. Dude, I get it, you don’t know what digital media is. At least I didn’t major in philosophy?
7. Things that secretly contain celery.
8. When you wear a skirt and you get a wedgie and you totally think you can eliminate the wedgie without anyone noticing, but you definitely can’t but you struggle with the decision to do it anyway for a while.
9. When someone leaves an empty box in the pantry of your favorite snack.
10. Ordering a Diet Coke at a restaurant and the waiter saying, “We have Diet Pepsi?” Yeah, no. Diet Pepsi is the worst beverage ever invented. Do you have Surge? Because I’d rather drink that than Diet Pepsi. So no, I’ll just have water.
11. And mosquitos. Mosquitos are the peskiest.
And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling teenagers.
PS: Those teenagers were nothing but pesky.