Solar Fail

When I was in grade school, we had to do a report over a planet. Just one singular planet in our grand solar system. I, being the good student that I was, selected Pluto. I learned everything there was to know about Pluto, leaving no moon rock unturned. It was a great report. I remember being in the Wayside Elementary school library finding a really great book about Pluto on the bottom shelf that gave me all the planetary specs. Other underachievers were doing Mars or Jupiter, amateurs. Other kids, and by kids I mean boys, picked Uranus. My 7th grade science teacher made quite certain that we called Uranus ur-uh-nus instead of ur-ain-us. I guess that’s what they tell 7th grade science teachers to do in the faculty meetings.

However, that’s not my father’s stance on Uranus. My dad loves space. On his long list of alternative professions to dentistry, I think astronaut is probably near the top of the list shortly behind weather man and museum curator. My dad never NEVER passes up an opportunity to tell a Uranus joke, EVER. I’m also convinced he knows someone at NASA. The man is always keenly aware of solar flares, planetary alignment, meteor showers, eclipses (solar and lunar) and always knows when Mars is unusually close to Earth.

It sort of turned into a giant joke because according to my dad Mars always seemed to be the closest to Earth ever.

Anyway, I did this really great report about Pluto. AND THEN PLUTO GOT DEMOTED.

And that is what this holiday is all about Pluto’s Demotion from planetary status.

I did some research, which is what you have to do when you are discussing things much beyond your skill set, concerning Pluto’s shameful demotion. This is what I found.

“I’m embarrassed for astronomy. Less than 5 percent of the world’s astronomers voted,” said Alan Stern, leader of NASA’s New Horizons mission to Pluto and a scientist at the Southwest Research Institute.”

Less than 5%!!! We demoted Pluto on less than 5%!!!! What the heck astronomers of the world? What else were you doing? What else was more important in the world of astronomy than voting for Pluto? My number one theory about where the 95% of the rest of the world’s astronomers also involves the whereabouts of Kevin Richardson, the missing 5th Backstreet Boy from the concert last month. Both parties were sketching out on things that seemed to be the most important events in the industry. Voting for Pluto, going on tour with New Kids on the Block. Important stuff people!

Also, how much an idiot does Alan Stern feel like. New Horizons mission to Pluto…. not anymore big guy. How did that conversation go?

NASA: Uh… Alan. Can you come in here for a second..
Alan Stern: Give me a second I’m working on my mission to Pluto!
NASA: Yeah, about that…. Pluto isn’t really a planet anymore, we’re canceling New Horizons and you get to tell the world…
NASA: Also, where were you last week during the vote? Only 5% of astronomers showed up…..

I’m thoroughly disappointed in the 5% scientist vote to demote Pluto. Do you think that was an anti-Pluto campaign slogan? VOTE TO DEMOTE! I’m 5% certain that it was.

I hope that you have a moment of silence for our fallen planetary comrade.


Dad, I think tonight is the closest Mars will ever be to Earth.



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3 responses to “Solar Fail

  1. Pluto was a planet when I was a child and to me it still is a planet, so there! 🙂 If they couldn’t get enough astronomers to vote, they should have asked the general public. I bet we’d have voted to keep it a planet. Maybe you should start a campaign to get it reinstated 🙂

  2. the target commercial…”and i’ll tell them about Pluto, the sad little planet that was…”
    makes me snicker everytime. see ya pluto

  3. Spoken as your reader, not your (distant) relative, that was your most clever post ever.

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