I really wish this holiday could be celebrated tomorrow. I’m going to be in an airport tomorrow. It’s like weirdo mecca! I’m sorry this is so late and so short. I’ve been packing and I watched What Women Want and I got all distracted and what not. But I will tell you about one of the weirdest things that’s ever happened to me.
I was a sophomore in college. I was walking from the Kappa house to campus, because I always went to every single class. I was wearing Nike shorts. I had sort of noticed someone walking behind me through the parking lot. I had just gotten onto campus, right in between Copeland Hall and Kaufman Hall. And the strange presence that had been lurking behind me made himself known.
The following exchange is 100% true. This really happened to me. I am not making this up.
Stranger: Umm… excuse me. Ma’am.
Stranger: I’ve been walking behind you for a while and I just had to let you know that you have really fantastic calves.
This is where I take a break in the story and let you know that I am very self-conscious of my ginormous calves. They are abnormally large. I can leg press an elephant. So I already have calf issues and this guy decides to bring my insecurities to my attention. Back to the story!!
Me: Umm… thank you?
Stranger: Yeah. I mean I’m sure you get this all the time, but yeah… your calves are really great. So… what do you do to work out your calves?
Me: Literally nothing. I try incredibly hard not to do anything that could potentially make them any larger than necessary. And it’s in my genes. We are big calved people.
Stranger: Oh, well I was only asking because my girlfriend, she’s 27 and I’m 34, has been trying really get her calves to bulk up.
Me: (I’m so glad I know how old you are, that was so pertinent to this conversation.) That’s great for her. Well, I should really get to class….
Stranger: Oh right, well thanks for talking. Great calves.
If that is not the most wonderful weirdo you’ve ever heard of I don’t know who is.
I don’t own many boots.
PS: Kate Beirdos.