Here’s the thing about punch, you never have it unless you are at a party you don’t really want to be at. I’m not entirely sure why that is, it just seems to be the preferred beverage for mediocre get togethers. There’s always a floating island of green sherbet that you can’t seem to get enough of. It’s always swimming in a concoction of juice and pop that is so mysteriously delicious. You have no idea what those ladies put in that punch bowl, but you like it and you want way way more than that tiny punch cup is going to hold.

Punch can also mean not a delicious beverage, and a really painful situation. I’ve never been punched in the face, thankfully. It seems like the worst thing in the world. I’ve been accidentally knocked in the head or face and it feels like you are dying. So I can’t imagine what it feels like to take someones fist full of force (alliteration!) to the face. Coming from someone who has a fear of getting their eyebrows (or anything else) waxed due to fear of pain, face punches seem like the closest thing to dying.

As my celebration for today, I’ve been pondering my favorite punch moments.

In the show Arrested Development, which really is one of the greatest shows of all time, my most favorite character of all wants to know what it’s like to be punched. His name is Buster and he is very socially awkward. He has never been in a fight and he just wants to know what it’s like. He gets in a fight and ultimately freaks out. The episode is called Beef Consomme. Watch it. Immediately. I have them on DVD you can borrow it.

In the movie Mr. Deeds, he has a water fountain that has Hawaiian Punch coming out of it. I need one of those. Sort of. I like Hawaiian Punch for about 5 drinks worth. So maybe I should just keep Hawaiian Punch in my fridge and have something much more delicious in my water fountain.

Last night I watched the Roast of Charlie Sheen. It was hilarious. It crossed every line possible. It even made new lines and then crossed those. Steve-O and Mike Tyson were both roasters, which makes for an interesting situation. This is what ended up happening.

Sort of spotty quality, but you get the idea. That scene reconfirmed all things I think about getting punched in the face.

1. I never want that to happen to me.
2. It’s the greatest pain you will ever feel.

So that’s what I’ve got for you.

I actually have stuff to make adult punch. V8 makes this fantastic juice. It’s fruity tea stuff. It’s in my fridge and I could get up and look at its real name, but I think you can figure it out. Anyway, I think it’s got a serving of fruit and vegetables in it. But if you mix it with rum or with vodka it’s fantastic. It’s my new most favorite fruity mixer. So feel free to make yourself some adult punch. I would make some, but I already had a glass of red wine, which means I’m sleepy.


Punch you in the jeans.



1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

One response to “Punch

  1. The author.

    I got punched in the face once. Well, sort of. By a tree. I ran into the tree but it felt like a punch in the face. I was with your mother and I’m not sure what crazy thing we were doing at about age 8, but a tree in your grandmother’s front yard punched me in the face and knocked the breath out of me and I think I cried and went home. And I’ve been avoiding punches at all costs ever since.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s