I’ve been waiting for this day for 11 months and 23 days. It’s one of the most fantastic holidays. And I believe one of the only holidays that originated on a TV show. Seinfeld made holiday history when Larry David came up with Festivus (it’s for the rest of us, you know). There are a lot of nuisances that make this holiday so fantastic.
I found this infographic on StumbleUpon and I figured this would be the greatest way to really explain the ins and outs of Festivus.
I was right. That was the best way to tell you about Festivus. Today I was traveling back to Oklahoma for Festivus and Christmas. My day started with a cab ride from my apartment to work. I’m not trying to take the bus with a 44.5 lb bag! So this very nice man picked me up. We started to chat. Which is better than a few days ago when I was chatting with my cabbie and only understood to about 30% of what he said. It was almost if my accent translating skills had gone out the window. Who knows what I was agreeing to! Anyway, today my cabbie and I aired our grievances. This was the conversation we had:
Cabbie: Where are you traveling to?
Me: Home for Christmas!
Cabbie: Where is that?
(He talks in questions, I talk in exclamations)
Cabbie: Oh, are there rattlesnakes there?
Me: Yes…. out in the country….
Cabbie: Well you need to learn to tackle them!
Me: Yes. Obviously.
Cabbie: There are classes.
Me: Oh. Right. Rattlesnake tackling classes.
Cabbie: Or just carry mace. They won’t bother you if you have mace.
Me: (They will sense the mace? Whatever) Are there rattlesnakes where you are from?
Cabbie: In Pakistan, no. But we have cobras. And those are faster than rattlesnakes and they will kill you.
So clearly, our grievances with snakes of all kinds were aired. And I have a new grievance to discuss. Why was I never given rattlesnake tackling classes? What the heck! I feel so inadequate.
So that cabbie couldn’t pick me up from work, but he sent his friend to get me, which was very nice. I had a large large bag. Large enough for me to be worried that I wouldn’t make it under 50 lbs. I had to hoist it pretty often. Into the cab out of the cab etc etc. I’m pretty sure that was a feat of strength, a 44.5 lb feat of strength.
The pole is always the hardest part of Festivus. We have a million Christmas trees around my house, but for Festivus that will just not do. Growing up we used to go camping every October with a bunch of other families. My dad is quite handy. He would always attach a painters light to the top of a giant pole and then strap it to a tree in order to light the campsite at night. It sort of became our Festivus pole. We ended up celebrating Festivus in October instead of December. But camping really provides for a lot of interesting feats of strength.
So Festivus was a success today. I hope you grieved well.