First of all, let me preface this post with how much I hate words the start with I-L-L. It’s confusing. Is that three lowercase L’s or is that three uppercase I’s or a combination! I get fussy. I digress, today is Tear the Tags Off Your Mattress Day. You better believe that I did it. I’m a rebel without a cause, sleeping on a mattress without a tag.
As some of you know, if you are good friends of mine, I don’t like breaking rules. It makes me uncomfortable. If a rule is unjust, I have no problem breaking it. Rules that are actually good rules, I take a little more seriously. However, rules that I’m generally confused about, I don’t really know what to do with.
Today definitely falls into the ‘Rules I’m Confused About’ category. Why can’t I tear the tags off? What will happen? Will someone be notified? Is there a mattress checking agency? Do Tempurpedics have tags? Again, I just need some answers. But I committed to the holiday. I committed a crime for this blog.
In this particular mattress tag scenario. I went all in. The tags are off people. I didn’t even hesitate.
Under Penalty of Law
If my blog ceases to be updated you’ll know where I am. Jail. Serving a long sentence due to tag removal. I can see it now….. enter dream sequence music……
I get to jail. Join a gang. Get a tattoo. Get promptly kicked out of aforementioned gang when they find out why I’m in jail. Learn to make license plates. Make friends with the librarian at the jail library. Get released early on good behavior.
…..dream sequence music….. and we’re back.
Prison sounds rough.
Technically the tag says that the consumer can remove the tag. But I didn’t really buy this bed, my parents did…. which means I’m punishable! In other news, I’m sorry that picture is so spooky looking. I’m sitting on my bed, writing a paper about Vietnam that I just finished moments ago, watching the Thunder come back from an 18 point deficit (get it together boys), annoying everyone that follows my personal Twitter account with Thunder comments and DOMINATING Words With Friends.
It’s been a busy night. But at this point I’m starving. I don’t recall eating dinner. I’m going to require a snack as soon as I finish writing this.
I’m going to sleep a little easier tonight knowing that I now sleep on an unidentifiable mattress. There’s 3.5 seconds left in the Thunder game, maybe I won’t be sleeping as easy as I thought. We really need a win tonight.
Sincerely,
I stole my mattress tag’s thunder with basketball. See what I did there?
PS: Serge Ibaka, if you read this. I love you.
The Celebrationist 